1) Whose in charge of the plan?
2) Whose in control?
3) Whose in the driver’s seat?
4) What happens when we try to take control of our lives?

These are the questions that have been coming up very strongly for me in the past couple of weeks. They have presented themselves in the dream as 2 separate problems. One, is reacting to the fear that comes up when I think about how I am going to support myself in the winter when the farmer’s markets that sell my husband’s breads close and our major source of income ends. This brings up tremendous fear and anxiety and from the ego thought system makes be believe I am in scarcity and lack and I have to come up with my own plan for survival. I have to take control. When I listen to this insane voice, I give into the temptation to confront my husband David with what I think is the right plan. Most of the time this creates conflict because in my ego mind I choose to be right rather than be happy. Sometimes the temptation to put my two cents into what I believe is the plan is so great, the attack words come tumbling out before I could put a stop to it and the damage is done. So on top of believing I have to be right, I also have more guilt to take to Hoy Spirit to forgive. As I observed how fast the temptation to react takes me over, I suddenly found myself having compassion for the struggle people who have a drinking problem have with the temptation that leads to an urge to take another drink. Both the 12 step program and A Course in Miracles teach that we can not try to resist temptation on our own but that we have a Higher Power, the Holy Spirit to assist us and help us change our minds about our insane thoughts. The ego belief that I am weak, vulnerable, and in lack and scarcity gives rise to the emotions of anxiety and fear and drives me to want to be in control as a way out. It never works.

Another area which comes up as a seeming problem is to figure out what I should be doing with my ministry. When I was ordained in May 2005, I made a commitment to be guided by the Holy Spirit who would lead the way and guide me to be truly helpful. I kept repeating the prayer in ACIM “ I am here only to be truly helpful; I am here to represent Him who sent me; I do not have to worry about what to say or what to do, because He who sent me will direct me. I am content to be wherever He wishes, knowing He goes there with me; I will be healed as I let Him teach me to heal."(T-2.V.18.2-6) This is so helpful except when I am taken over by my ego monkey mind and forget to remember the truth and when ego tries to judge what my ministry should look like. Recently, a ‘conflict’ arose in my mind because I desperately wanted to minister in a particular way but because I need to work in the illusion, I found myself resenting my job and blaming my job for keeping me away from what I wanted to do with my ministry. I then found myself envious of ministers who had the time to practice their ministry full-time. Of course, as long as I was in conflict and judging on my own what my ministry should look like and not allowing myself to be guided by Holy Spirit, I lost my peace. And when I lose my peace, I can not receive Divine Inspiration which will provide me with the perfect direction.

So, here were two seemingly different problems that were creating anxiety, fear and resentment and robbing me of my peace, making me believe the problems were outside of me and making me believe I had to come up with my own different solutions to my own different problems.
Fortunately, I have been doing my work-book lessons and the Lessons I have been working on; Lesson 79: “Let me recognize the problem so it can be solved” and Lesson 80: “Let me recognize my problems have been solved:, shows me that the source of all our problems no matter what form it takes is the belief in separation. Lesson 80 says that once you recognize that your only problem is separation, this provides: “opening the way for the Holy Spirit to give you God’s answer." Lesson 80,2:3) “You are entitled to peace today" Lesson 80.3:1)

In looking at both my seeming conflicts with Holy Spirit concerning the direction of my ministry and the business, I was shown that the belief in separation was the source of both these problems that was robbing me of peace.

ACIM is teaching me that “all fear is ultimately reducible to the basic misperception that you have the ability to usurp the power of God"(T2-1.4:1) “The real conflict you experience then is between the ego’s idle wishes and the Will of God which you share. Can this be a real conflict?(T-11.5.5-6) “The ego’s goal is quite explicitly ego autonomy. From the beginning its purpose is to separate, sufficient unto itself and independent of any power except its own. This is why it is the symbol of separation. (T-114.4-6) “Yet the truth is very simple.” All power is of God.” What is not of Him has no power to do anything."(T11-V.3.6-7)

I asked a question at the beginning of this article? What happens when we try to take control of our lives? Holy Spirit brought me a vivid dream and then brought me an interpretation from Holy Spirit. In the dream, I was driving a car and got into a severe accident that pushed my car against the highway wall and it started to go up in flames. I got out of the car safely but went back in to retrieve something and I got caught by the flames. In the past this dream would have terrified me and make me believe it was a premonition of my death. But, interestingly, I felt at peace during the dream and when I awoke. Holy Spirit showed me that there is no death and the flames were me moving into the Light and into peace, no matter what was happening to my body. I am filled with gratitude that through ACIM and studying the 900 Course at Pathways of Light, I now have a practice where I can surrender to the temptations of the ego stories and perceived problems and let them go by handing them over to the Holy Sprit and being restored to peace. I am learning that whenever I am tempted to take control or judge how something like my ministry should be, I now ask Holy Spirit to look at it with me and let go of the temptation to step in “where angels fear to tread’. I am at peace when I let Holy Spirit be in the driver’s seat and I can sit in the back and allow myself to enjoy the ride. When I choose not to be a back seat driver, or take control of the wheel, Holy Spirit takes me to the perfect destination and I arrive safely and peacefully. As we say at Pathways of Light, I could hardly wait for the Good that comes out of it when I Let Go of Control and Conflict and Let Holy Sprit Lead.